Christmas is here, and with it comes the time for laughter, cheer, and plenty of joy. Whether you’re looking for a quick joke to share at the holiday dinner table or a funny story to break the ice at a Christmas party, we’ve got you covered. Here are ten Christmas jokes that are sure to bring a smile to your face and fill your heart with cheer.
Let’s start with a joke that’s heaven-sent. Three men find themselves at the pearly gates of heaven on Christmas Eve. Saint Peter meets them with a challenge: to show him something that represents Christmas. The first man pulls out a match and lights it, saying, “This is a Christmas candle.” The second man jangles a set of keys, saying, “These are Christmas bells.” The third man pulls out a pair of red panties and says, “These are Carol’s.”
Next up is a joke about a hungover husband who wakes up to a Christmas surprise he wasn’t expecting. Paul wakes up groggy and disoriented after his company’s Christmas party. He notices a glass of water, two aspirin, and a single red rose on his nightstand. His clothes are neatly folded, and the room is spotless. But things take a surprising turn when his son calls to tell him that he and his sister are on their way to visit – and they’re paying for their own travel expenses!
Sometimes, timing is everything – even when it comes to snagging those holiday deals. A man stands trial during the Christmas season. The judge asks the defendant, “Mr. Jones, what exactly are you accused of doing?” “Your honor, I was just doing my Christmas shopping early,” the man says innocently. “There’s nothing illegal about that,” the judge replies. “What time did you start?” “Before the store opened.”
If you’re feeling stressed about traveling during the holiday season, this next joke might make you laugh. Dave isn’t feeling the holiday spirit as he waits at the airport just before Christmas. He notices some mistletoe hanging above the luggage scale. Annoyed, he tells the airline attendant, “Even if we were dating, I wouldn’t kiss you under such tacky mistletoe.” The attendant smirks, “Sir, that mistletoe isn’t for you to kiss me. It’s there so you can kiss your luggage goodbye.”
Kids say the darndest things, and this next joke proves it. A little boy starts writing his Christmas letter to Santa, but his mom interrupts him. “You’ve been so naughty this year,” she scolds. “You’d better write that letter to Jesus instead.” He thinks for a moment, then begins writing to Jesus, but quickly realizes he can’t lie about being good. Frustrated, he goes for a walk to clear his mind and spots a nativity scene. Suddenly, he snatches the statue of Mary. Returning home, he starts his new letter: “Dear Jesus, if you ever want to see your mother again…”
From a mischievous kid to a quick-witted teen, our next joke shows that sometimes biblical excuses can go hilariously wrong. Danny asks his clergyman father if he can get a car for Christmas. “You’ve done great with your studies,” his father says. “But I’m disappointed you haven’t cut your hair.” Danny smiles. “Dad, in the Bible, I noticed that Jesus, Moses, and Samson all had long hair.” His father nods, “Yes, but did you also notice they walked everywhere?”
And finally, let’s end on a high note with a husband who’s in for a surprise of his own while Christmas shopping. A couple is shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve when the husband realizes he’s lost his wife. Frantic, he calls her. “Honey,” she says calmly, “do you remember the jewelry store where you saw that expensive watch you loved five years ago? The one I said I’d get you one day?” His eyes well up. “Yes, I remember.” “Well,” she replies, “I’m in the lingerie store next to it.”
And there you have it – a sleigh of laughs to brighten your holiday season! Whether you share these jokes at a family dinner or use them to lighten the mood at a holiday party, they’re sure to spread some Christmas cheer.
