There’s nothing quite like the audacity of a man who thinks the bare minimum deserves a standing ovation. My ex proved this when he reappeared months after our breakup, proudly presenting me with what he clearly considered a life-changing gift: twelve eggs and half a pound of processed meat. I accepted the sad little package just to end the awkward encounter, tossing it straight in the trash after he left.
The punchline came later that evening when my neighbor mentioned, “Your ex was at the bar earlier telling everyone how he’s been taking such good care of you.” I burst out laughing. In his mind, that sad bologna offering apparently qualified as gourmet caretaking. That moment crystallized everything – I wasn’t just done with the relationship, I was finally free from his ridiculous fantasy world where he starred as the hero in every story.
